today is the first day of the rest of my life. a life that i'm going to be expanding by watching what i eat and by exercising. i just got off the scale and i gasped. 320.6 i went back up to. i was down to 310 not that long ago - like seriously maybe 2 weeks ago?? so a 10 lb gain in 2 weeks. wow i have an eating problem haha.
it's serious and not a laughing matter. my step daughter is 11 and tips the scale at 156-ish. and she started saying alllll the same bullshit about her weight that i say. "i can't be that fat because i'm still flexible," and "i don't really eat that much," as she shovels 2 bowls of mac and cheese into her face. to be more honest with myself, i'm posting a list of my excuses. hearing my step daughter say these things, i had to stop and stare. holy cow i say the same thing and i'm over 300 lbs. obviously i'm not healthy.
but i kept thinking that i was.
yeah i never had blood pressure problems, or diabetes, or high cholesterol. but i was not healthy. i had fooled myself into thinking that just because i was fat that i could still be healthy. it's not possible. yeah you can be skinny and unhealthy, but there's no way you can be fat and healthy. it's just not in our dna.
i let myself think that i wasn't doing damage to my body and my mind because no signs or symptoms were showing. well....
i saw that a sign of pre-diabetes is dark patches appearing on your skin, like in the folds by your neck. i have that. it's a sign that i'm getting sicker. that this weight is finally catching up to me. and then i look at my step daughter - who already has spider veins and stretch marks because of her weight.
i'm done making excuses. my life belongs to me and only i can make it into something.
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