the scary gym

i don't know if anyone else feels this way, but the gym scares the crap outta me!! not so much the equipment there - it's all the tiny little healthy people that are runnin around from machine to machine that frighten me. and i know i shouldn't be scared but i can't help it. i feel like an elephant in a china shop when i'm around smaller people. and it's more than just my weight that i'm talking about.

i stand 5'7" and for a girl, that's pretty tall. all of the people i know are shorter than me, with the exceptional few that are my height or taller - but walking into the gym at my height and weight makes me feel so huge to everyone.

and please don't get me started on my sister in law. she's only like 5'2" and barely 100 lbs. she's freakin TINY! so it goes without saying that i hate visiting her and her family in new york. they're all small and petite.

ok but really, back to the gym. i just feel that all these people are staring at me and judging me. not because i'm fat and in the gym, but because how could i let myself get that fat to begin with. then i feel bad for my hubby who's lucky if he weighs 210 (he's usually hovering somewhere between 190 ann 205). i mean i look like i can eat him!

i'm just very intimidated by all the healthy people in the gym. i always have been. that's why i have a home gym. but i also like being able to goooo to the gym if i feel like it!! is that confusing to you?? hahahaha

i don't like to leave my house. i very rarely do - especially now that i'm working from home. but i want to go to the gym, get a good workout in, and then go grocery hauling for my house. so maybe ill talk hubby into a fair trade like that?? a few groceries for a trip to the gym??

it's just so scary to me. i literally gave myself a panic attack last time i went - which is why i didn't go again. i dunno. we'll see how it goes today. i'm crossing my fingers.